3 min read

I've Been Thinking About You...

Hi y'all, I've been on a bit of a hiatus. Writing this newsletter – well, anything actually – since completing my manuscript has been a struggle. I've thought about you all weekly, but also just haven't been thinking about much that I think you'd care to know about, and it seems a bit pointless to be yet another email in your inbox on some nonsense.

I think this creative dead zone isn't uncommon after completing a large project, so I'm trying not to be concerned. Yesterday, the West Coast experienced a bomb cyclone. And I suspect my creativity will return to me the same way, all of a sudden in a forceful burst.

I'm battling this feeling that I'm falling behind, but falling behind on what, how, and where?! This is like a smaller slice of what many of us are feeling now that the pandemic has shifted how so many folks think and feel about work.

So, here I am just trying to be in and find joy in this particular phase in my writing life (and wondering why I'm getting so many emails today before I remember that it's Monday lol).

In a group chat, some writer friends and I (hey, Natassja and Edgar!) picked our way through some ideas around the inherent narcissism in writing and how the field and most people's craft would be better for having admitted it. You often here folks say something noble about why they write like, "I want to give a voice to the voiceless." But uhm... that's just you talking so uhhhh...? Lol. I'm not saying writing can't uplift and call attention to important causes, but we also have to admit we write because WE personally have a desire to be heard and seen. Keeping this in mind is instrumental in the revision process because then it allows you to ask, "What am I trying to give the reader with this work?"

I thought this Jess Zimmerman blog post asking "What's the refrain you keep circling back to?" touches on this in an interesting way. It's a short, worthwhile read.

And Ann Friedman writing in her most recent newsletter about how we are processes not things got my mind bending in some interesting ways.

And oddly, my mind is tying this to the season premier of Insecure, where it seems like a big theme is going to be about coming to terms with not living the life you envision but still moving forward regardless.

I think these two things are in conversation with each other in my mind because memoir and personal essay spend a lot of time exploring that tether between who were and who we are now and the meaning in the difference between the two. What does it mean I'm no longer who I was? Does it mean that person no longer exists or is there some unchanging kernel of me that makes me me at the core of me always?

I don't know. But I do not feel static. And the less defined I force myself to be, the happier I tend to be.

A recent buy that I love: Haus Lab eyeliner - When it comes to liquid liners, Stila is one of the greats but has never completely satisfied me. Its not wet enough...? I dunno. Fenty is wet and dark enough but gets sticky and sometimes ends up in my creases and you can't really build the line with ease. Glossier is soft and goes on smooth, but isn't dark enough for my liking. It looks faded on my skin.

But Haus Lab??? Which is apparently Lady Gaga's line, IS IT. I've worn it a few times and I cannot believe it does everything I want. It's dark, it's wet, it's thick enough for just the right swoop without being bulky. And it's $20, so not the most or least expensive.

I also got a bronzy kind of liner and kohl liner that actually makes it look like I know how to do a smokey eye. There's enough time before it sets for you to smudge it around just the way you like it.

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